I am not Real.

I am not real.
I am only ghost.
He said.
She said.
I never really was.

A tiny prick turns into a gushing river.
And hair so long, it wants to be trimmed.
I am not okay.
They said.
You said.
I never really was.

Blinded by myself.
My own eyelashes.
I am more than just my skin.
I said.
Me!
I AM MORE THAN JUST MY SKIN!

But yet...
I never really was...

325

I have so much bottled up....
So much hidden from myself.
I would rather forget how I feel than voice my weakness to the world.
What happened to that girl who was so willing to talk?
What happened to the creativity that bubbled so fiercely below the surface?
Emotions running wild and dreams bigger than the sky itself.

I may be moody, but Ill never tell you why.
And I will scream with out explanation.

I am not here by choice, only circumstance.

Whats good for me?
The pills prescribed by a man who's goal isn't to help me but medicate me into submission?
My own self medicating?
Just one drink and a lung full of high?
Should my emotions be allowed to run wild?
Should I be sent away where no one will hear me cry?
What would Mother say...?
And how would my Father react?

I was once told I ask too many questions.
I told the teller to go shove it...
I would rather ask a dumb question, than to never know the answer.

Someday I would like to share myself with you...
But I don't know who you is.
Who I can share without fear my deepest darkest thoughts...
I would like to trust someone because trust comes so seldom these days.
I would like to love someone because I have had only one example of what it could be and I fear that it will never be.
I would like to feel like I can poor my heart and soul into someone and know they will still be there after I'm done...

but..

Just because I want something doesn't mean it'll happen.

Stuck in a Box

I keep playing this tune over and over again in my head, and all i can see are the walls closing in.
There is one way out. Only one.
I pound my fists against the risings giants of our future, knowing Im am too small to make a difference alone.
I am only one. Just one.
If I built an army, would you join?
We cannot do this on our own.
We cannot survive.
You and I, we are nothing without each other.

© 2008, Kinsey Collier, all rights reserved.